Caution: 8 things You Need To Know When Dating A nurse

It’s that time of the year again. It is February, and even though it is lockdown, nothing can stop us from loving. Well, well… whether you are planning to date a nurse or already dating one, these are the things you need to take note of.

1) Be Careful when you’re lying, Nurses have clinical eye

We do cephalocaudal assessment everyday – this means assessment from head to toe. We definitely know when there are sudden changes in your body and our clinical eye judgement are trusted by experts. From the movement of your eyes to dryness of your mouth, sweating, change in colour, heck we even know how many breaths you have in a minute without looking at a timer. So if you are planning to lie… actually no, don’t lie to us nurses, we will definitely know and you will be in a lot of trouble.

2) give us your history and we can diagnose you almost immediately

No we are not doctors, but our studies about human anatomy and psychology combined with our years of clinical experience give us a great hint of who you really are. If we ask questions like “were you breast fed when you were an infant?” or “how were you potty trained when you were a child?”, we are 100% assessing why you love or hate drinking/smoking or why you have OCD basing on theories like Erik Erikson’s psychosocial development or Sigmund Freud’s psychosexual analysis. Basically we know if you are a psycho or have a great tendency to be one.

3) We can care less About your little booboo

You might think nurses are the most caring people in the world. Well, in most cases we are, but we prioritise our patients needs everyday that we know your little cut won’t kill you. Unless it is a life and death situation, you can take care of yourself. So please don’t feel bad if we just give you a band aid to sort yourself out. 😉

4) Do not fantasise us in our nurse uniforms

Uh… It’s not like the ones you see in porns. We look so different in our uniforms versus our casual clothes. Some of us don’t like our looks in our nurse uniforms, so please think twice when asking us to wear them in front of you to fulfil your fantasies.

5) Our Days Off are for sleeping

Some of us do a tiring 12 hour shift 3-4x a week, and sometimes we extend to stay in the hospital just to finish our documentations. We definitely feel knackered at home. So please, on our days off, forgive us if we can’t help but sleep and can’t give you much attention. Nurses need nursing too.

6) Expect to hear some gross conversations while eating

Sorry! We can’t help it! Blood, mucus, stool, vomit, intestines, brains, diabetic foot, name it! We eat during our break times discussing gross things because sometimes we have no choice but to use our 15 minute break to shove food down our throats while discussing why patient A in bed 2 had blood in his stools this morning. Apart from this, we use our breaks to rant about our experiences to our colleagues. We are sorry if we bring this with us on the table while having a dinner with you. It’s just the way we are.

7) you want us to stay awake all night? no problem

Nurses can do a 12 hour night shift talking to awake patients, performing tasks that require meticulous skills, and at the same time read and write notes. So if you need us to stay awake at night to talk to you or “do other stuff “- no problem! We can be an all nighter. *wink* *wink*

8) We are not like your basic ungrateful bitches

Nurses are one of the most under appreciated professions in the world, so a simple thank you means the world to us. A single sorry is enough when you hurt us. We are great listeners and sensitive souls – this profession taught us how to, because we need to be everyday. The world needs our nurture and care. I always say…

Not everyone wants to run the world. We are here to heal the world.

Happy Valentine’s everyone! Stay in love!

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